


Hurts like Hell

by GreenGlitchBitch



Series: Good Omens [4]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angst, Angst with an angst ending, Breakup, Established Relationship, Flower Language, Heartbreak, Heaven and Hell threaten Crowley, M/M, Post Armagedidn't, Sadness, Sorry Not Sorry, There is no happiness here, Wings, angstiest thing I've ever written, based on a youtube video, this is nothing but sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:54:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23551879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreenGlitchBitch/pseuds/GreenGlitchBitch
Summary: They’d done it. They’d stopped the apocalypse, they’d saved the world, they’d convinced their sides to leave them alone. It had been over a year since then, and life had been good. So why now?
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: Good Omens [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1621834
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27





	Hurts like Hell

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back! Didja miss me? Sorry it's been so long, I haven't had much inspiration recently. But, I got lucky with this one! Recently, I've been watching a lot of Good Omens animatics on Youtube, and I stumbled across one by Max Wayne, to the song Hurts like hell. The story behind it was super sad, and it inspired me to write a fic based on it! I asked the animator if I could use the story, and told them I'd like the video on here when I posted it, and they said sure, so, here it is! I'll like the video at the end, if anyone wants to watch it. It's really well done, and super heartbreaking, but I love it a lot! I did add a few kind of major things to this fic that aren't in the animation itself, but the plot of the animation is still there. As always, I'm always open to ideas, be it for Marvel or Good Omens, just remember, I don't write smut. And I'm always open to constructive criticisms, just don't bother leaving hate, I don't wanna hear that. Anyway, I already have another GO fic idea in the back of my mind, kind of inspired by this one, so maybe you guys'll get another one soon! Hope you liked it, and thanks for reading!

They’d done it. They’d stopped the apocalypse, they’d saved the world, they’d convinced their sides to leave them alone. It had been over a year since then, and life had been good. So why now? 

_ “Heaven and Hell working together, huh? That’s news to my ears” he’d said, trying to hide his fear behind his false confidence, when both Archangels and the Lords of Hell approached him in his flat.  _

_ “Don’t play coy, demon. We know about you and the Principality Aziraphale” Michael said, looking too smug for his liking. He felt fear rising in him, and tried to calm his nerves. _

_ “Bit slow on the uptake there, Mikey boy. Thought you lot knew about our ‘fraternizing’ back when we were still trying to stop the end of the world” he replied, putting on his best smirk, and hoping they couldn’t see through him. Beelzebub grinned at him, and his blood ran cold.  _

_ “Oh, we did. But thatzz not what we’re here to talk about today. We know how you to zzwitched bodiezzz to avoid exzzecution” they said, and Crowley’s heart dropped as fast as his smile did. They knew. They knew, and now both he and Aziraphale were going to die. They were going to kill him first, and then go after his angel. _

_ “Oh, that got him to drop the act. Yes, demon, we know. We know everything. How you two escaped execution, how you’ve been ‘fraternizing’, as you put it, since Eden. We know how you, a pathetic excuse for a demon fell in love with a pathetic excuse for an angel, even if we don’t know how. We could just kill you here and now” Gabriel said, his voice thick with triumph and smug. Crowley waited for the other shoe to drop, and for them to just kill him already. _

_ “But we won’t” _

_ Wait, what? _

_ “See, we thought about killing you both, and finally being rid of you traitors, but we thought better of that. Instead, we’ve decided to make you both suffer” Gabriel finished, an almost sadistic look in his eyes. _

_ “We know that you and that angel are in...love” Hastur spit out the word, almost as if it caused him physical pain to say it. _

_ “And Crawley, that just won’t do. Demons ain't even s’possed to feel love in the first place, much less for an angel. So, we’re gonna take that away from you” Hastur continued, a definite sadistic look covering his entire face. Crowley felt fear rising in his chest. They weren’t going to kill only Aziraphale, were they? _

_ “What do you mean?” he asked, willing his voice to be strong. He couldn’t show weakness, not now. Too much was at stake. _

_ “We have a proposition for you. Cut ties with Aziraphale, never talk to him again, or we’ll make it easy for you to stay away” Gabriel said, and held out his hand. An image of Aziraphale appeared hovering above his palm, and Crowley felt his heart quicken. It may have been a projection, but he could never stop his heart from beating faster at any thing that reminded him of his angel. But then, fire took over the image, and Aziraphale was lost to him. Crowley knew what this meant. Stay away from Aziraphale, or you’ll never see him alive again. Leave, or he dies. He couldn’t contain his shock, knowing the look on his face gave the beings around him the answer they were looking for. Crowley wanted to argue that they wouldn’t dare, but, seeing the look on Gabriels face, he knew the Archangel wanted nothing more than for a chance to kill Aziraphale. _

_ “What’s your answer, demon?” asked Uriel, who’d stayed silent this entire time. _

_ “I’ll leave him alone. I’ll never go near him again” Crowley said, and couldn’t stop his voice from cracking, and knew everyone around him could tell, they’d got him. _

_ “We’ll let you say your goodbye’s. Wouldn’t want him to think you’d abandoned him, do you?” Dagon asked, smiling dangerously, they’re sharp teeth shining menacingly at him.  _

_ “Of course, we can trust you won’t tell him about this little conversation we’ve had, right?” Gabriel said, grinning like the cat that finally caught the canary. Crowley couldn’t seem to force his voice to work, so he simply nodded his head. This was cruel, even for Heaven and Hell. Force him to break both his and his angels hearts, and then leave the angel forever. _

_ “Good. We’ll leave you to it. And don’t worry, we’ll be monitoring you, making sure you never go back after the goodbye” Gabriel said, and the Archangels and demons both disappeared, leaving Crowley in his already empty, cold flat, feeling colder than it had ever felt before. Crowley finally released the emotions he was keeping locked in his chest, and his knees gave out, forcing him to fall to the floor. And for the first time in over a year, the demon could do nothing but cry over his lost love. _

__ Crowley remembered this as he walked through the rain, unprotected, to the meeting spot. He’d cried on the floor of his flat until his eyes were dry of tears, then he stood up, and called Aziraphale, forcing his voice to be devoid of any emotions, as his angel answered, cheerily. Crowley didn’t say much, only that he needed to urgently meet with Aziraphale at St. James’s Park in an hour, and then hung up, before the angel could say, “I love you”.

Crowley wrapped his arms around himself, to try and keep warm, as the cold rain drops seeped into his clothes. He looked up from the path, and saw Aziraphale, standing with his eyes shut, a cream colored umbrella protecting him from the rain. Even though Crowley had become used to seeing Aziraphale every day since the failure of Armageddon, he still found himself having to stop before getting to the angel. Aziraphale still took his breath away, even now. Especially now that he would never see him again. Crowley took a few seconds to memorize every detail of the being in front of him, to hold in his memory forever. It didn’t last long, before Aziraphale opened his eyes, and saw Crowley.

“Crowley, my dear! There you are! What was it you wanted so urgently to tell me, that you needed to meet me in the rain? And you must be freezing! Come here, there’s space under the umbrella” Aziraphale said, sounding as joyful as always, and Crowley knew he had to be strong.

_ Just do it. Rip it off like a band-aid, and go _ he thought to himself.

“We can’t do this anymore. The Arrangement. It has to end” Crowley said, daring his voice to see what would happen to it, if it cracked under the weight of his emotions. His heart ached, as Aziraphales smile faded

“Whatever do you mean, my dear? Are you feeling alright?” Aziraphale asked, sounding concerned for his partner. 

“I mean, we can’t see each other anymore. I can’t do this anymore” Crowley replied, voice growing slightly louder. Maybe if he started yelling, he wouldn’t start crying.

“Darling, that’s not an answer. Why can’t you do this anymore?” Aziraphale said, sounding more confused than anything. Crowley closed his eyes behind his glasses.

“It wasn’t real. What we had between us. I’ve been tempting you for 6 millenia, to try and get you to fall from Heaven. It was going to be my greatest triumph as a demon, maybe even get me a seat next to Hastur, possibly even the Lords of Hell, if I was lucky. But you persisted. You continued believing in Her. So, I thought, maybe I can get you to fall, now that Heaven basically disowned you. But, didn’t work, so I’m giving up. That’s it for ‘us’” Crowley said, trying to make himself sound uncaring. But he knew it wasn’t working. 

“Love, don’t be ridic-” Aziraphale began, but Crowley interrupted him. 

“Didn’t you hear me?! It wasn’t real! I don’t, and never have loved you! It was all an act!” Crowley shouted, knowing he was going to break soon if he couldn’t get Aziraphale to understand. Breaking his heart was the only way to save his beloved angel.

“Anthony J. Crowley!” Aziraphale exclaimed, dropping his umbrella in anger and shock.

“You and I both know that is a lie. I don’t know what has gotten into your head, or who put this thought in your mind, but remember, we’re on our side” Aziraphale said, trying to keep a brave face, but Crowley knew his tells. He was scared. He was hurting, and he was close to believing Crowley. 

“THERE IS NO ‘OUR SIDE’! THERE NEVER WAS! DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND?! IT’S OVER!” Crowley shouted, feeling tears prickle the corners of his eyes, and he saw the betrayal on his angels face. He couldn’t take it anymore. He turned and started to walk away. He heard the angels footsteps following him softly.

“Crowley, please. I love you” Aziraphale said, and Crowley could feel the angel reaching for his shoulder. One more action to hammer the nail into the coffin. He wordlessly put his hand up, silently telling the angel not to touch him. He heard the angel gasp softly, and then the sound of footsteps speeding away from him, and he was alone. For the first time in 6000 years, he felt truly, and utterly alone in the world. He didn’t dare look back, and tears fell from his eyes, knowing there would be nobody for him to look at. 

He began sobbing, and knew he couldn’t do that in a rainy park. He began lowering himself to the ground, feeling his glasses fall from his face. When he finally reached the floor, he was back in his flat, his wings unfurled behind him. He sat himself on the ground, tucking his knees to his face, curling in on himself, brought his wings around to his front, sheltering him from the cruel world outside the feathery protection, and sobbed. He stayed that way for hours.

He couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t eat. He couldn’t drink. Everything he did made him think of Aziraphale. Every thought he had twisted itself, and became a memory of Aziraphale. He stopped listening to music. Every song he heard made him weep for his angel. This continued on for weeks. He burned his Velvet Underground CD the first time he tried listening to it after the Park. He’d been fine through the first song, but then Pale Blue Eyes started playing, and he couldn’t take it. He never left his flat. He didn’t want to risk seeing Aziraphale on the streets, because he knew he’d be unable to stay away. He got drunk every night, hoping the alcohol would take away the pain. It never did.

One night, 2 months after the last time he’d seen Aziraphale, he’d gotten incredibly drunk, and went around his flat in a drunken rage, destroying everything that reminded him of Aziraphale, everything he’d gotten for when his angel would choose to spend the night. He didn’t do it out of hatred or anger, he did it out of despair and suffering. He’d torn up pillows, he shattered classical records he’d bought for the angel. He burned the Heaven’s Dress tartan blanket he’d gotten commissioned for himself decades ago, when Aziraphale started wearing that blasted bow tie. 

He’d gone room to room, ridding himself of anything that would ever make him think of Aziraphale. It hurt too much. He couldn’t take it, knowing his angel was out there, in the same city, and he could never see him again. He’d even almost destroyed the bird altar from the church he’d blown up to save Aziraphale in 1941, but he couldn’t bring himself to go through with it. He went into his room, and opened his bedside drawer. Inside was a small velvet box. He gingerly pulled it out, and opened it, as he sat down on his bed. 

Inside was a beautiful gold ring, shaped like a snake. It’s back was studded with dozens of tiny onyx crystals, and its underside was studded with tiny rubies. It had yellow crystal eyes. It had cost Crowey a fortune, but money was no problem. He’d had it custom made to Aziraphale’s exact finger size. He was going to propose on the anniversary of the creation of The Arrangement, the day Aziraphale finally trusted him. He’d even had one made for himself, in the hopes that Aziraphale would say yes. It was shaped like 2 wings, studded in mother of pearl, wrapping around to meet, wing tip to wing tip in the front. Now neither would get the chance to wear the rings. 

When he looked at the ring, he felt his drunken anger leave him, instead being replaced by grief and regret. His heart grew heavy, and tears fell from his eyes. He didn’t try to stop them. He closed the box, pressed it to his chest, and laid down on his bed, weeping until sleep took him. 

When he woke up, it was still dark outside. His clock read 2:30 am, and he knew he wouldn’t fall back asleep. He took the velvet box, and gently placed it back in his dresser, before standing up, and walking out of his room. He saw the mess he’d made, and knew he couldn’t stay in his flat for the rest of the night. He felt dirty, unclean, disgusted at himself. He closed his eyes, and snapped his fingers, not caring where he ended up, as long as he could get clean. 

Before he even opened them again, he felt the cool night air against his face, and heard the crashing of small waves to land. He opened his eyes, and found himself on a beach. He didn’t know where, and he didn’t care. He took off his glasses, and tossed them to the side, not caring where they landed. He started taking off his clothes, until he stood on the beach, wearing nothing, and he slowly walked into the water. 

It was freezing. So cold, it hurt, but he didn’t care. The pain reminded him he was alive. He’d almost forgotten that, despite feeling empty and dead for 2 months, without his missing half, he was still alive, on Earth. He trudged on, walking until the freezing water passed his neck, and he started swimming. He swam for he didn’t know how long, until he couldn’t see the beach anymore, and he finally let go. He stopped swimming, and let himself sink into the sea, his head falling underneath the water, as he fell further into the sea. He curled in on himself, and held himself in the fetal position, as his mind raced, and he finally let everything out. 

He unfurled his wings underwater, and used them to push his way to the surface and beyond, flying as high as he could, all his sorrow and grief finally being let go. Tears streamed from his eyes, as he flew higher and higher into the night sky. He pushed further and further, until he was level with the moon, and then he stopped pushing, and let himself fall. He fell and fell, only pushing out of the fall once his body was feet from the water below, and he flew himself back to shore. He knew what he needed to do.

When he had dressed himself again, he miracled himself outside the closed bookshop of his beloved, not bothering to put his glasses back on. The lights were on, and he could see inside, to where his angel was sitting, back to the window, a book in his hands, a mug of cocoa sitting next to him. Crowley leaned against the stone of the building, and looked on in sadness, at the one creature he wanted to see more than anyone else, and the one creature he could never see again. He’d made up his mind. 

He snapped his fingers, and a bouquet of flowers, and the small velvet box appeared on the doorstep of the shop. He quickly rushed to the door, and knocked on it, not knowing what the angel would do. 

“We’re closed!” he heard Aziraphale call from outside, and wanted nothing more than to open the door, walk into the building, and wrap his arms around the angel he loved. Wanted nothing more than to press gente kisses to Aziraphale’s face, and hear the adorable noises of happiness he made whenever Crowley did that. But, he couldn’t. So, he knocked again, harder this time, and knew the angel would answer it. He heard Aziraphale stand, and walk to the door, and just before it opened, he miracled himself back to his flat.

He knew Aziraphale would understand his message. The flowers he’d miracled were not randomly chosen. Both he and the angel had learned flower language in the 1800s, as proper gentlemen did. The bouquet consisted of purple hyacinth, amaranth, butterfly weed, striped carnation, everlasting, honeysuckle, monkshood, primrose, sweet pea, and apocynum. Together, they formed a message that read, “Please forgive me, I’ve deceived you. I love you, unfading. I can’t live without you, but I can’t be with you. I will always remember you. Be careful, danger is near. Farewell” And he’d left the angel the ring he was going to propose to him with, as a way for the angel to know that Crowley had never meant what he’d said at the Park, but he wasn’t taking it back. It was a piece of him the angel could keep, or get rid of. It was up to him.

He walked into his room, and found the other velvet box, that held the ring he was going to wear, if Aziraphale had said yes. He took the ring out of the box, and put it on his left ring finger. He was still grieving, but he would always love Aziraphale, and he hoped the angel felt the same. After doing that, he snapped his fingers once, and his flat was empty. You’d never have known anyone lived there for decades. He couldn’t stay in England. He couldn’t stay anywhere in Europe. Not when his angel was so close, and yet, so far. Anywhere in Europe was too close to England, to Aziraphale. And, with another snap, he was gone, already halfway across the world, in an apartment in America, preparing for a new life without Aziraphale.

**Author's Note:**

> Here's the link to the animatic, if anyone wants to watch it. It's super good, and really angsty.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CNwzTFk1NDU


End file.
